Friday, 11 June 2010

Blog Redux

This is one of my favourite posts, and I felt the need to repost it after rereading it today. It's still applicable.


A small list of things that bother me, feel free to disagree.

1. REEEAAAALLLLYYYY old people driving 30 in a 60 with their brakes on in the fast lane. Even the buses were honking at her.

2. Things that break too soon, like modern electronics. Why is shit only built to last a couple of years before the self-destruct mechanism goes off? Why do manufacturers think we're going to run out and buy another one of their shitty devices after the one broke the day after the warranty runs out? We're going to buy a different brand, think about it.

3. People who make too much noise late at night, like the idiot down the road running his dirt bike down the alley at top speed at 10pm. I'd like to throw a net across the next time he flies down. This is also the guy who plays with an extremely loud remote-control car on the street. I'd like to accidently back over it.

4. Strikers. Nuf' said.

5. News broadcasts that reiterate what was just said with a text version across the bottom, AS THE PERSON IS TALKING. If you can't hear it, turn on your sub-titles. Broadcasters shouldn't presume that we want to have to read what's being said as it happens. Cut it out CNN.

6. Spam on my cell phone. Hey jackasses - I have to pay for your call. Shut the fuck up. That also goes with texting me about my personal credit history. Let's think about this - you're making it worse!

7. Texting and twitter. People don't really care what you're doing every minute of every day. We have our own lives to think about. Cut it out. As far as texting goes, pick up the damn phone if you want to communicate with me somehow.

8. Cable TV. $60/month to see informercials about shit I heard about on my cell phone. I wasn't interested then, I'm not now. Then rebroadcasts of the shit the networks picked up cheap, like stupid reality shows that cost nothing to produce and take an exacting toll on our brain cells. If I wanted to see and hear people doing normal everyday shit in a house, I'd put webcams throughout my own. Or better yet, get a twitter account.

9. Reality TV. See #8

10. PETA. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. These people are just plain weird and need to be shipped off somewhere. How about somewhere with lots of animals for them to play with, like Borneo. I'm sure they will have a great time playing with man-eating snakes and carnivorous rodents. When they tried to have fish renamed sea kittens in an effort to halt fishing they drew the line. They thought the cuteness factor would do it. Do they really think that me eating a nice cedar smoked sea kitten is going to make me enjoy it any less? Mmmmm, sea kittens... Mmmmmm.

11. Pants hanging off people's asses. It's not sexy. Get over it, your fucking pants are falling down. Either eat a donut or buy a smaller pair.

12. Low rise pants. We don't care to see your C-section scar. As per 11, get a pair that fits.

13. Remakes of things that shouldn't have been made the first time. I hear there's a live action version of the Smurfs coming to a theatre near you. Hopefully not me. Stop it. Get an original idea for Christ's sakes. Bad remakes and bad movie ideas are melting our population's collective brains. People who waste their money on this crap are only contributing to the producers of such shit wanting to make more. Michael Bay is a horrible director. Face it, Transformers 2 sucks, as does most of his movies. Somebody ship him off to Borneo. Maybe there he can get inspired to write an original movie about PETA members being eaten by hordes of angry man-eating parrots, with the cannibalistic residents picking their teeth with the leftover bones. Maybe Michael Bay can be eaten.

14. Sarah Palin. Just shut up and go away.

15. Remixing classic music. Rap artists remix old classic music with new lyrics and sell it to the masses claiming originality. Stop it. Anyone doing this should immediately be sued and shipped to Borneo. Vanilla Ice (remember that freak?) started it, he had no talent at all and proved it when he ripped off Bowie and Queen. Borneo. Nuf' said.

16. Kim Jong Il and Osama bin Laden. Please die.

17. People who keep their jobs with absolutely no effort and no brains. How do you people keep bringing home paychecks? Why is it that with so many people on the unemployment lines you can't see that you really need to make an effort to keep your jobs? This isn't an employees market, it's an employers market. Bosses should fire shitheads who spend all day goofing off and providing absolutely no contribution to the economy. You're taking up valuable space. Go away, get a double wide somewhere in Mississipi with a bath tub and a car motor on your front lawn and leave the jobs for those who will appreciate them.

18. Special interest groups. PETA, NRA, Pro-Life, Pro-Choice, Greenpeace, Pro-Nuclear, Anti-Coal, Pro-Man Eating Parrots, I don't care who you are. You shove your message down our throats with a militant zest. We can't escape. If we don't agree with you, we must be against you. Well, yeah! Of course! Shitheads. Hand out your pamphlets and let us make the choice, don't read it to us and threaten us if we disagree. Just shut up.

19. Vandals and Thieves. People who slash tires, knock over grave stones, bust windows, spray graffiti, steal bikes and lawnmowers, stop it. You're a bunch of bored kids looking for a thrill. Here's a thrill - Borneo. Please give me my 6 bikes and lawnmower back.

20. Arrogant narcicistic morons. Stop looking at yourself in the mirror and become a member of society. You're really not that great, if you were, we'd praise and admire you. Ghandi was great, Trudeau was great, Mandella is great, you're not. Look past your own face for once.

OK, so if you qualify as anyone on this list, or practice anything on this list, stop it. You piss people off. Or maybe just me, but hey, it's my blog, so get over it.

I've played nice nice lately with posts, but this was overdue.

I feel better now.


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