Thursday 23 November 2017

Parallel Epiphany

In the course of the past year and a half in this job I have met many interesting and unique people. Most of whom are just folks going about life in the best way they know, raising families, going to events, going out with friends, yadda yadda, standard issue people. Every once in a while though, someone comes across your path who makes you stop and take notice of life's intricacies and hard lessons. 

Tonight I met someone who was not only experiencing the things that test us in life, but completely paralleled my own experiences. The difference is she is just 45 days into that path, where I have almost six years under my belt. It was eerie to say the least.

I don't often write about this sort of thing but meeting her tonight sparked something in me. Something was strange and surreal about the whole experience. In the course of driving her home I met a younger female version of me. I didn't even get her name, and short of what I'm about to say here, I know nothing about her. I may not ever see her again, but she affected me. The tears she openly displayed let me see a window into her pain. 

She began by asking me questions about myself, as many customers do. Now I should preface this by admitting openly that I maintain pre-prepared lies, as many people ask me very personal questions I don't feel comfortable answering. Rather than 'none of your business', I make shit up. This started randomly enough but over the months I have almost invented a mirror life for the benefit of those who will (for the sake of alcohol) just keep asking anyway.

With this woman I kept the truths up front, as the questions were not unreasonable. What is my day job?  - Graphic Designer. Am I married? -Separated. Why do I do this? - I like meeting new people and I'm doing something positive and helpful. Standard fare. Likewise I always ask my customers standard questions; 'How was your night?' or, 'What kind of trouble were you guys causing this evening?' Most times the answers are positive and innocent, her response was one of pain and distress. Of course that changed the dynamic right there. 

This is when it got weird. In a good way weird. But weird.

She hates her job. She makes damn good money, been at it for 25 years, and hates it. She wants to leave. When she heard me talk about my leaving cubicle world six years ago and starting on my own she was almost jealous, I could hear her tone change, but I, as always remain positive about it. I don't see my departure from the work world as a bad thing, I'm doing what I want, when I want and that makes me happy. No clock, no meeting that should have been memos, no incompetent bosses, no broken down tech to deal with. Just me. Responsible for me and only me. 

This perked her up. 

More questions, about money, happiness, personal life, marriage. The more she inquired the more I could see the gears turning in her head, she wanted what I have, even at the expense of her income. 

"Are you happy with your decision?" I replied most certainly yes.
"No regrets?" I replied a few, but they were easily overcome in time. Of course, what is life without some manor of regret at some point. 
"Kids?" This is where I normally begin to lie. But not tonight. I told her I had two aged 17 and 22. 
"Married?" Separated after 21 years. 

Then she told me 45 days ago her husband left her after 21 years. And that her kids were aged 15 and 20. The more we talked on that short ride the more I could see she saw hope where none manifested before. She saw two things in me; first, our personal lives were almost a mirror, and secondly, I made the choice she is desperate to make. I pulled no punches with her, it wasn't easy, and still isn't. Everyday brings tough choices and decisions, everyday there is a certain degree of regret. Everyday is not like yesterday, that is a double edged sword, some days you don't want it to be, other days you long for the past.

There was a brief silence. She was still crying. She had spent the night at a friend's house trying to find answers to questions she hadn't asked. In the car with me she inadvertently asked all the right ones. When the ride was over and she was home, she got out of the car and grabbed me, insisting on a big hug. Again, I usually don't indulge that in my customers, but sometimes it's just the right thing to do.

I said good night and good luck, gave some obvious words of encouragement like, 'It's going to be tough, but the end result is well worth it', or something along that lines. I got into my partner's car and left. 

As we drove away I began thinking about her more, she said some things that were quite profound, but it was the parallels in our lives that strike me. She in embarking on a journey that I've already taken and I hope she succeeds. It was strange that I felt that way, after all she's just a customer, a first timer, and someone I may not ever encounter again, but her words and predicament resonated with me. I hope she came away from our talk with the same thoughts. 

She seemed genuinely uplifted by my own comments on the trip. On how I made such a drastic work-life change, on my own separation (at the same point I may add). She saw in me someone who had already experienced what she was going through and made it out the other side. I believe it gave her hope for a future, and that life changes, it evolves, and at some point in our lives we will take that road less travelled. The hug said it all. 

I hope I see her again so I can get an update. I'm curious how she fares. Lately I've seen many friends and family experience very difficult circumstances. My nice-guy mode kicks in and I want to help and I know in most cases I can't except to just be there for them to sound off. This woman tonight fits into that category but with one notable exception, I was a complete stranger telling her things that friends would share, and maybe that actually meant more to her. Even though I make a habit of telling my customers white lies, she got a massive dose of truth, and it really was hopeful. 

Many times we meet people in the course of our lives who pass through unnoticed, especially at work. Just people, just customers, just a path to a paycheque. Tonight I met someone who will resonate with me for a long time to come. Someone who made me realize that my own struggles in recent years have not been so unique at all, and that others go through this in their lives as well in their own ways. The similarities to our stories and hopes are striking, at least to me. 

Of all she asked one question stuck out - 'Are you happy'. And yes, I am. Life is worth living and enjoying. Shitty things will happen but we will get past them and in most cases move on. I hope I inspired her to see that. 

I hope I meet her again.

Cheers.