Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Trying to change the subject

For months now I've written about my struggles with Bipolar Syndrome. It's been all consuming in my life for the past year, and frankly it's driving me nuts. Learning to live with something new isn't the easiest task, and there are days where I feel I've failed at coping mechanisms. Days where I just want to curl up in my bed and stare at the ceiling fan. 

This is getting a little boring.

I'm not really handling this well, and not really getting better, I have a long road ahead of me. So given that, I will quickly lose readership. I sit here when the mood hits thinking of things to write about, experiences I've had or an opinion on some news story. In the past I found it easy to write about camping trips or idiots, or idiots I've seen camping, or cadets - a lifelong love of mine, or my family, whatever, I've written about it. I wrote extensively about my father's passing and his funeral/wake. I've written about childhood experiences that provide fond memories, I've written about about our veterans, and I am rather proud of some of my Remembrance Day posts. I still get hits from Google searches on those.

So in a nutshell, here's what's happening around here that does not have anything to do with Bipolar.

• We're moving four rooms around at the same time and cleaning out the basement to accommodate that. In the end we'll end up with a spare bedroom and new flooring on the second floor. In the meantime, if you visit, don't expect a clean house.

• I've taken up Aikido in an effort to keep in shape. So far it just hurts.

• My son had all his hair cut off last night. It was past his shoulders in an attempt to be a rockstar, but he's now intent on joining the reserves. I am proud of him for making that decision. The military runs in our family and he's planning on carrying the torch.

• I am finally getting some freelance graphics work coming in, hopefully that keeps up a good pace. Not having a job I could use the income. Besides, working from home has some serious advantages.

• We helped my sister and brother in law move to a new house recently. Please don't ever ask me to help you move. 

• Kim and I recently celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary.

• Last week there was a bomb threat at a house around the corner, which can be a little disconcerting seeing that many police cars in your neighbourhood - every street was blocked off. At least it provided the  gawkers with something to stare at for a while. Nothing blew up.

That's really the just of it, a boring little life in Wilsonworld. 

This blog was originally intended as an outlet for someone in mid-life crisis. I'm still there, if anything, the crisis has gotten worse. At middle age my life has turned upside down. The question now is where do I go from here? I resigned my job because of the illness and have essentially become a stay at home dad and husband, not so much like several thousand other unemployed people in this area, but mine is different. So I have to find a way to re-organize my life and start off in a new direction. There are days where that seems like a distinct possibility, and days where I feel like I just want to quit. But I can't quit, I'm only 43. I have lots of life left in me, and I haven't even started my bucket list yet. It's been just over one year since all this started and I feel it's time to move on. Time to either shit or get off the pot. 

As Robert Frost said famously;

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I just haven't picked the right road yet.