Sunday, 6 February 2011

Day 6

This was the worst day yet. If someone had of handed me a cigarette yesterday I would have eaten it, not smoked it. I was irritable, short tempered, and just plain assholish. I didn't help that it snowed again yesterday, all I want is a warm spring day and a cigarette, and I can't have either.

So it's Sunday morning, I sitting in a quiet house drinking my coffee listening to Fleetwood Mac's The Chain - one of my favourite songs, telling the world about my issues with tobacco. Yesterday proved to me that this is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. How people do this cold turkey is beyond me, I just don't get it. I had the weekend child over yesterday too, and Kim was at work. So, here I am with 3 kids, no partner, no smokes, tons of snow, and no sleep. Did I mention that one of the side effects of the patch is insomnia? Don't know if I've covered that yet, but I've seen 4am each of the last six days. So add fatigue to the rest of the issues.

The snow didn't stop until 7 last night, and by the time it was done we had another 4 inches on top of the 10 already on the ground. I hate winter. Yup, I'm sounding negative, that's not gonna change until I quit! The pic was taken out the back window, notice the crane sculpture in the distance. That thing actually has long legs. Somewhere out there is my patio, just waiting for the fond attention of a family BBQ. But alas, not today.

Today is a new dawn, a new day of challenges, today is what I make of it. It's day 7 without my old nemesis. I have laundry to do, some dishes, some errands, then the day is mine to do what I wish, I hope it's better, I know by this point I don't like myself nevermind what my family and friends think of me. My sister told me yesterday of her husband's worst day, in which he spent all day pacing, but thereafter, it got easier. Here's hoping yesterday was mine.