Saturday, 22 August 2009

My new favourite blog - until next week

I found a great site detailing Windsor's past and present from an architectural point of view. It's amazing how many of these pics depict things I remember vividly from my days growing up in this town. I spent over 2 hours on it this morning. However much unlike me this is, I'd like to share...

History nuts enjoy!


Friday, 21 August 2009

More Summer is almost over

Normally summer ending would be a time of strange sorrow, normally the fall creeping in would play havoc with my mental state. Not this year, Hell, I'm glad it's almost over.

This summer sucked.

From unemployment blues to my father passing away, to a ruined canoe trip, to my son being gone for a month, (he's on his way to San Francisco now), to problems at work, to our reunion being cancelled for lack of interest, you name it, this has been one sucking summer. Please end it.

About the only we've managed to accomplish this summer is getting rid of the mounds of garbage left over by the city worker strike in the Spring. Yippee.

Kim got a call yesterday about a job - her dream job. She is setting up the interview today. I hope it works out, she sounds so unbelievably happy about this, there's only one catch - It's in another town and she doesn't drive. So transportation WILL be a huge issue. I have always been on Kim about getting her license, but she hates driving, so why waste the money. Ironically her first words to me yesterday were "how long does it take to get a license?" Damn, this job must sound great if she's changing her mind after 20 years! So she will go for it, and hopefully the transport issue will sort itself out. There's an E-Bike for sale from a friend of ours, she could also get lucky and carpool with someone, who knows. First things first, go for the interview. The worst that could happen is she doesn't figure out the problem, which she is already prepared for.

The best thing about this is the call. The first of many resumes she has put out. It lifted her spirits high, and gave her something to smile about. Maybe the recession is over? Maybe people are loosening up the strings and hiring again? Who knows, but it can't happen at a better time - the end of the shitty summer.

Maybe fall will bring new hope. We'll have everyone home again, kids will be getting ready for school, Kim may be working again, my job may clarify itself, my state of mind will calm down and become clear, the grief over dad will reside, maybe the cat's eye will even clear up. We can go forward now hoping the worst is behind us, we survived the storm and maybe we'll come ahead stronger and more unified as a family. I hope.

As things change and some things get back to 'normal', I have one lingering thought. I will never be 'normal' again. I have now lost both my parents, and now I have to be the adult. I can't play the role of a son anymore, now I have to be the responsibly adult. That kinda sucks, but that's the roll of the dice, and I have to play it out. It will take time to learn this new role and I will make mistakes along the way, the way an actor takes time to learn his lines. I know my family will be there for me when I stumble, but I will come out of this a stronger person, husband, brother and father. Positive attitude is paramount. I spent my summer feeling myself slipping into the abyss, and as I look back I wonder why? I came through it all, what was the problem? Why was I worried, but then again, did I have reason not to be?

There are many in the world who have suffered so much more. Many people have lost their homes, their families, even the clothes on their backs. There is so much suffering out in the world and when you put things into context, this summer was a mosquito bite on life. Nothing more.

So here we go into fall. With my head held high we will prevail. We will get our shit together and get back to work, back to school, back home, back to love and caring, back to friendship, back to normal. At least that's the plan.

I turn 41 at the end of September, I'm not a kid anymore, however much I like to play one in real life. By that time I want the summer behind me. I want things fixed.

I want normal, or some sort of normal.


Tuesday, 18 August 2009

August duldrums

I'm having trouble getting motivated lately. Maybe it's the heat, I don't know. I really have no motivation to get anything done around here, things have proceeded since dad passed away, but now progress has ground to a halt with me. Work is tremendously busy, (good, I guess), which makes for long tiring days. Last night I just vegged on the couch all night.

My son is in British Columbia now. He's off in my father-in-law's truck for a few weeks, like he has done for the past three summers, but this year instead of normal trips to West Virginia, they got the opportunity to haul for Canada Post to the west coast. To make it more interesting, the load wasn't cleared for customs, so they went the long way instead of short-cutting through the northern US. He's having fun, but I can hear it in his voice that he's homesick. I miss him too.

Kim is still home, no job prospects yet, I know that's driving her nuts. She's a worker, a people person. The only person she's had anything to do with lately is our youngest daughter. She won't say it, but I know she wants out of here. Not just to earn a paycheck, but to get back out there with people. They say the economy is starting to turn around, I hope they're right. We need to get back on track. Part of her getting back to work is getting back to normal. Accelerating the end of this really shitty summer.

There is so much I want to do with the remainder of the summer, mostly to give me a sense of normal - a walk in the park, ice cream at the Navy Yard (we do that all the time), swimming, camping again (redo), fix things around the house, visit old friends, etc, etc. We're not doing much this year. Part of the problem is my son isn't home, and it's not the same with him gone. Another part of it is depression and dealing with dad's loss. I know that, I know I need the therapy of activity. But it's easier to think than do. At the end of the day the computer and couch come calling. At least lately anyway, when things calm down at work and I'm not so tired at the end of the day we'll do something, we'll salvage this really shitty month.

I hope anyway.