Sunday 2 February 2020

Renewal, forced.

I just realized I haven't written in almost a year.

Shit, I'm slipping.

There was a time when these posts were quite common, and unread. I post this crap for me. I'm not looking for anyone's approval. This is supposed to be my diary as it were.  But apparently nothing has happened since March 2019 that required me to take notes. Nadda. Nothing, Fuck all.

Not entirely true, lots happened, but the other thing that happened is that I just stopped writing anything down. I stopped worrying about logging into my life every week, I stopped caring what others thought of me. Maybe I've grown up, finally. At 51 years old.

So here's a small synopsis of my life since my last post:

• I shattered my foot and went off work for three months.
• I developed a blood clot in my leg because of it.
• I bought a Mustang.
• I made several new friends, and can't imagine my life without them now.
• I'm still NOT finished trucking school (see points one and two).
• I found a brother I never knew I had.
• I sold my house.
• My daughter started college in another city and that freaks me out.
• I've made concerted effort to fix my physical issues. IE, I started working out for the first time in years. I even bought a home gym.
• I'm out of town a lot on business, so I post from Chicago, Louisville, Oakville and Detroit.

In a nutshell, that's not much. I still live alone in the county, in God's country. This brings me strength and peace. Many days I wish I could share that with everyone, so everyone's life has all of that. I've become a simple man, living within simple means, with a neurotic cat as a companion. But I am also gifted with many friends. Life is good.

I've had my share of troubles lately, I've been fighting inner demons as we all do. Sometimes life changes on you and you wonder what path to take. As Robert Frost once mentioned, there is a path less travelled. I took that, and life is better to its means. But that path comes with challenges. Once one is released from bonds of responsibility, one can make a multitude of decisions. Some are regretful, some are promising. I kinda lie in the middle. I have many choices to make, and only I can decide which are the right ones.

These changes and choices have affected my relationships and simply common habits. There are friends I don't see much anymore, but others I see often. There are hobbies I used to indulge in, and other fanciful distractions I revel in. Such is life, it changes. We change. Life changes. I believe this new environment I find myself in has affected some old habits, to the better or worse depending on you point of view. I like who I am now, I like the changes I've made but in honesty I miss who I was years ago. This blog, if you read back far enough will prove that. I don't ever want to lose that old me, but I've evolved; changed. We all do. But we all have our roots, and our passions.

This post is me telling myself to get back to who I was while at the same time keeping who I've become. This post is also now a rambling changing diatribe in which I push myself to pick up pieces of my past and mesh it into my future. You decide.

Ultimately, it's about having a chance encounter with someone with passion for writing, and has awakened something in me that used to exist. Something I really never want to lose. So Thank you Karyn, a women I randomly met and found to have a kindred spirit. You awoken the kraken.

You have made me write again, and dammit, you'll regret it.

Cheers.

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