Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Summer Dreams, Painful Reality

It's been a long while since I was here, at least nine months. I haven't had much motivation to write, and even less material to write about. The past months have been a roller coaster of work, injury, tragedy and uncertainty, all leading to my not really giving a shit about a little-read blog. Frankly this is more for me than any readers out there, it's a journal of a journey through mid-life. Anyone reading and commenting is icing on the cake.

I'm back now because of a dear friend. Someone who has over the years encouraged me to continue writing and for some weird reason actually enjoys this post. Maybe I needed the kick in the ass she gave me last night.


I had grand plans this summer, mostly involving a canoe, a small lake and a bonfire in the middle of nowhere. But these plans may have been unexpectedly shelved. So my head is not exactly in a good place, and either is my rib. It's kinda broken, and that being said, I can't exactly lift a frickin' canoe. Six weeks to heal. Six weeks of intense pain and lack of sleep. Six weeks of summer postponed. Dammit. 

I fell down the stairs a few weeks back and did this to myself, nothing heroic, I wasn't rescuing puppies or saving someone, I slipped on one stair and did a perfect pirouette onto my torso, fracturing my rib and I can tell you this is simply the most pain I've ever experienced. It's just a fucking rib. Sneezing is a new definition of pain. Sleep eludes me thanks to pain meds, and if I do sleep I wake myself up. I tend to toss in my sleep, not a good idea right now.

So between that and working like a dog this summer, many plans have been put off. Even my new bike (purchased two days before the injury) hasn't seen much road time. I intended to get back into shape this summer, to prepare for portaging. Dammit.

I'm still managing to ignore the doctor's advice, and keep myself on some sort of schedule. I've been able to ride a little now, I'm still working, and I've managed to get quite a bit of my house painted (this summer's fixer upper schedule). But everyday I do something of these sorts I pay for it. I'm supposed to sit and relax and just let it heal, but who the hell can sit on their asses for six weeks? I certainly can't, and won't. As long as I don't push it to the point of re-breaking it I'll be fine.

My canoeing plans will happen, just not for a while. Not until I feel I can lift a 15 foot boat. Not to mention all my camping gear, firewood, and of course, beer. Until then I sit here, bored and unfulfilled. There's a large hole where my happiness should be and it's getting hard to fill it in. However, this weekend may help that situation, as I'm planning a day at the point with an old friend. I can't wait to walk on the beach barefoot, and dunk into the lake once or twice. Just the thought of finally getting outside is encouraging and makes me smile. The thought of doing it with someone very dear to me even more so.

Work keeps us all busy these days, and it's difficult to find time with family and friends anymore. Last week my kids took me out for Father's Day but a few days early as we all worked that day. It was nice, but that's how things work anymore, schedules don't exactly allow us the time we need or want with those in our lives. Add to that an annoying injury, lots of work around the house, and other commitments, and you realize that we're not the same now as we once were. It seems the older we get the more crazy the idea of spontaneity gets. Well, let's set that straight - I'm very spontaneous, and so are my friends. Just that we are on different clocks. Stay with me, I have a point.

Life has a way of changing your course in ways you didn't expect and in some cases don't want. Sometimes a rock tossed into a stream can change it's course. I believe that's what's happening now with me. Things I want are being changed by forces I can't control. I have a feeling though that these changes are actually positive ones, I just haven't seen the bigger picture yet. I know I need a kick in the ass. I know I've not lived up to my own expectations. Maybe the events of the past month have been the rock thrown in my stream? Who knows. And really, who cares?  I will go with the flow and try to steer myself down a river I've never swam in. My plans have not changed. I still intend to be in that canoe. Just as I intend to have a great time this weekend with an old friend at the point. 

We'll just see where life takes me next.



  1. Heal well and everything will fall back on track. Behind schedule but back none the less. :)


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