Monday, 19 December 2011


Today is a typical Monday. Except that it's 6 days til Christmas, my pills aren't working, I'm having trouble getting over the passing of my next door neighbour, who we took care of and befriended like a second grandmother to the kids, I still have no car, and I don't know when I'm going back to work. Short of that, it's a fine day.

I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday - the one who dosed me up on all kinds of meds over the summer, and I had to spend time in the hospital to get sorted out. I look forward to that argument, he's gonna say 'I told ya so', and I'm gonna say 'shut the fuck up and fix it'. Then I will give him the back to work form and ask him to sign it, to which he will demand another $30. Yeah, I look forward to it.

I'm getting ready to leave for the hospital again, I'm starting week 3 of the outpatient psychiatric treatment, or brainwashing. I really don't want to go as I can't see any benefit to all this. The teachers talk too fast and I'm having trouble concentrating on the material. But in the end, it should be worth it. One issue I've had to deal with since May is a lack of ability to concentrate and follow multiple stressors. Alot of that is the medication, alot of that is the illness itself. My feeling is that the Occupational Therapists who teach this thing should know that and teach accordingly. At least I'll have the handouts to go over - they kill more trees in this class than anywhere I've ever been.

5 More days. Then I'm done, and I don't know what comes next. I'll be going to my own therapist once that is over, I actually look forward to that - it's one on one, and once per week. I'm hoping that January brings new promise for me and this mess I'm in, being always confused and scared sucks. Always being on the edge of a breakdown sucks. I know that in the end only I can fix that - no amount of classes or drugs can reverse this course, but I still don't know how to steer the ship.

On a good note, Kim Jung Il died. One less lunatic fucktard in the world is a good start.

Have a nice day.

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