Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Two weeks and one flu bug

Yesterday it was two weeks since we quit smoking. I feel good about it, even though I still doubt my ability to resist the temptation without a patch on. Kim however, hasn't had one on for the past week, she's doing great. Today she was tempted by the evil stick, but she resisted, in the end, the Borg were wrong. I don't have any cravings, but I do have the occasional bout of old habit, especially when someone I was dealing with last week blew smoke in my face. I was on the one hand completely disgusted, thinking that I used to smell like that, and on the other hand reaching for his pack and lighter. Mixed feelings will be around for a while yet I'm afraid.

But I will soldier on.

Not only am I feeling better about myself, I feel better about my financial outlook and the smell of my clothing. Yick. That shit really stinks! Everyone has a 'thing' when they quit. Some chew gum, some eat anything not tied down, some punch people, some chase small animals, I found that every time I had a thought about smoking I simply took a deep breathe. Every time I wanted a cigarette I inhale fresh air and realize that I can. Two weeks ago that hurt. Today it feels like the breathe of life. It's wonderful. Kim said her main motivation for quitting now is that she wants to be an old woman sitting on the porch with me while we watch our grandchildren play on the front lawn. We always promised to grow old together, and in the past few years, stress, middle age and several family losses have made that simple dream more and more distant. Today, the dream got closer for both of us. It feels good, but the very idea of looking forward to old age is just plain weird - I'm nowhere near old!

Yesterday I felt old. Yesterday I had the flu. I spent the past two days out of it on the couch, fleeting moments of consciousness sucking back orange juice and piling on more blankets. I called in sick yesterday, something I hate doing, more or less because I don't trust the others in my office to keep my work up to date while I'm gone. In any case, I went back in today, not feeling 100%, but enough to function. I'm bloody tired now, I still have a ways to go before I'm completely up and around, but hey, that's life. At least I'm up and around, at least I'm not gasping for breathe under the tremendous weight of addiction.

Tomorrow is another day and another deep breathe. The sun will be out and the deep freeze is in it's waining days, soon Spring will be here, long walks in the park, bike rides, playing with the kids outside, backyard parties with the village, and more. All of that while breathing free.

All that brings my one step closer to sitting on the porch with Kim, watching my grandchildren do the same one day.


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