Two weeks and one flu bug

Yesterday it was two weeks since we quit smoking. I feel good about it, even though I still doubt my ability to resist the temptation without a patch on. Kim however, hasn't had one on for the past week, she's doing great. Today she was tempted by the evil stick, but she resisted, in the end, the Borg were wrong. I don't have any cravings, but I do have the occasional bout of old habit, especially when someone I was dealing with last week blew smoke in my face. I was on the one hand completely disgusted, thinking that I used to smell like that, and on the other hand reaching for his pack and lighter. Mixed feelings will be around for a while yet I'm afraid.

But I will soldier on.

Not only am I feeling better about myself, I feel better about my financial outlook and the smell of my clothing. Yick. That shit really stinks! Everyone has a 'thing' when they quit. Some chew gum, some eat anything not tied down, some punch people, some chase small animals, I found that every time I had a thought about smoking I simply took a deep breathe. Every time I wanted a cigarette I inhale fresh air and realize that I can. Two weeks ago that hurt. Today it feels like the breathe of life. It's wonderful. Kim said her main motivation for quitting now is that she wants to be an old woman sitting on the porch with me while we watch our grandchildren play on the front lawn. We always promised to grow old together, and in the past few years, stress, middle age and several family losses have made that simple dream more and more distant. Today, the dream got closer for both of us. It feels good, but the very idea of looking forward to old age is just plain weird - I'm nowhere near old!

Yesterday I felt old. Yesterday I had the flu. I spent the past two days out of it on the couch, fleeting moments of consciousness sucking back orange juice and piling on more blankets. I called in sick yesterday, something I hate doing, more or less because I don't trust the others in my office to keep my work up to date while I'm gone. In any case, I went back in today, not feeling 100%, but enough to function. I'm bloody tired now, I still have a ways to go before I'm completely up and around, but hey, that's life. At least I'm up and around, at least I'm not gasping for breathe under the tremendous weight of addiction.

Tomorrow is another day and another deep breathe. The sun will be out and the deep freeze is in it's waining days, soon Spring will be here, long walks in the park, bike rides, playing with the kids outside, backyard parties with the village, and more. All of that while breathing free.

All that brings my one step closer to sitting on the porch with Kim, watching my grandchildren do the same one day.

Cheers.

Day 6

This was the worst day yet. If someone had of handed me a cigarette yesterday I would have eaten it, not smoked it. I was irritable, short tempered, and just plain assholish. I didn't help that it snowed again yesterday, all I want is a warm spring day and a cigarette, and I can't have either.

So it's Sunday morning, I sitting in a quiet house drinking my coffee listening to Fleetwood Mac's The Chain - one of my favourite songs, telling the world about my issues with tobacco. Yesterday proved to me that this is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. How people do this cold turkey is beyond me, I just don't get it. I had the weekend child over yesterday too, and Kim was at work. So, here I am with 3 kids, no partner, no smokes, tons of snow, and no sleep. Did I mention that one of the side effects of the patch is insomnia? Don't know if I've covered that yet, but I've seen 4am each of the last six days. So add fatigue to the rest of the issues.

The snow didn't stop until 7 last night, and by the time it was done we had another 4 inches on top of the 10 already on the ground. I hate winter. Yup, I'm sounding negative, that's not gonna change until I quit! The pic was taken out the back window, notice the crane sculpture in the distance. That thing actually has long legs. Somewhere out there is my patio, just waiting for the fond attention of a family BBQ. But alas, not today.

Today is a new dawn, a new day of challenges, today is what I make of it. It's day 7 without my old nemesis. I have laundry to do, some dishes, some errands, then the day is mine to do what I wish, I hope it's better, I know by this point I don't like myself nevermind what my family and friends think of me. My sister told me yesterday of her husband's worst day, in which he spent all day pacing, but thereafter, it got easier. Here's hoping yesterday was mine.

Cheers.

Day 4

Today is day 4. For most of the day I've had no issues with smoking, I had my coffee this morning, cruised the web a bit, caught up on news and played a game, all without thinking about it. I went out and shovelled snow, dug my car out, talked to a couple of neighbours, all without problems. This afternoon I took Kim to an optometrist appointment, and even though that took an hour and a half, I had no cravings. I even took the time to snicker at two ladies standing outside having a smoke break. A friend called while I was waiting for Kim, she quit 6 weeks ago, and is still on the patch. We traded stories for a while - all very therapeutic. All this reinforced my desire NOT to smoke.

Kim and I have been trying to have a lunch date since Christmas and today we finally went, off to Kelsey's, Kim had a pulled pork sandwich with Guinness BBQ sauce, I had a peppercorn sirloin burger. As Kim fixed the waitress's Blackberry, I had my first craving in a couple of days. After a good lunch, I always had a smoke, it was all habit. We drove home with full stomachs and tobacco-free.

After a couple more errands we made it home, and enjoyed family time with the kids, now home from school. Now, I'm sitting here typing this, and I'm struggling. For the first time today, I'm really having a hard time with the smokelessness. I know it's entirely psychological, but that doesn't make it easier. Kim's patch fell off a couple hours ago, and it doesn't seem to be bothering her at all! (there is a lot of talk from the next room about donuts and me going to Timmy's, but I'm not biting). I'm inching closer to the end of the day and a new one tomorrow, a day closer to being a non-smoker. Hopefully, I can make it through without any cravings. Realistically that's a long way off, but every day is closer to that goal.

Cheers.

Day 3

Damn, this patch itches. It fell off last night because I kept trying to relieve the itch and it finally gave out, so I sat there for a couple hours without the patch on. I really had no desire to smoke at that point, but eventually the urge came back. I've crashed a couple of time over the past couple of days, but most of the time my issue is purely habitual, not physical. The patch is ensuring I have a constant uninterrupted supply of crap I don't need and am trying to stop.

Kim started her treatment yesterday, one day behind me. She says she's doing well, again, the problem is habitual more than physical. I haven't seen her since Monday, tonight we'll compare notes and admit to each other that we've either caved in or come very close. We'll see, but so far this has actually been easier than I thought. However, it does require assistance. Will power is not my forte.

Last night we were hit with the "storm of the century", as the Windsor Star called it. We made all kinds of preparations, as three of us in the press department live at least a half hour down any highway from here. We got the boss to sponge for a hotel room close to the office. If we were to get wailed, the presses would still run. Two of us went there last night, got some pizza, munchies and some drinks, and watched the hockey game. Then shot the shit til 2am. I'm not exactly on top of my game today, this morning began hung over with no coffee and no smokes. Yuk. I quickly fixed the coffee situation, but I'm finding myself now struggling to resist the smokes. I still haven't had one, but it's tough.

The storm wasn't half as bad as predicted, even so the winds and freezing rain alone made staying in town worth it, no to mention the camaraderie of the evening. Today is crawling, and it seems like I've been here for two days - frankly, I have. I'm taking tomorrow off, and spending it with Kim. Hopefully, we can make it without the cravings.

Cheers.

Patching things up

This morning I put on the patch. I intend to quit smoking.

So far so good, I really don't have any cravings, except of course the habitual ones, it's such a habit to run out for a smoke if you're waiting for the computer to chew on something, or if you're bored. I'm finding that right now is a hard thing to overcome. The ride down to Kingsville this morning wasn't bad, I had no desire to smoke, as a matter of fact I had the window cracked open (even though it's -11 here), and took in the cold crisp February air. I'd like to say there was something different about how it tasted, but It had only been 2 hours since my last smoke at that point, kind of silly to expect results that quickly.

When the pang hit me to have a smoke though, I find taking a deep long breath can push that aside quite quickly. The sore cracking lungs quickly make their prominence, and suddenly the craving is gone. That's why I'm doing this, I can feel it in my chest, I can feel myself running out of breath. I feel like I'm 70. I'm 42.

When I've gone without before I feel the weight lifting off my chest. I feel the rush of air in my lungs, I feel better. Smoking is taking that away, and I miss it. Spring is coming, my favourite season, and I want to enjoy every minute of the warm spring air with all it's wondrous scents a and feelings, I don't want my lungs to fight back.

So day one is well under way. It's 11:30 and I don't want a cigarette. I'm really hopeful and optimistic about this lifestyle change. It's step one to fixing myself and reversing the trend towards feeling my age.

Step two begins in...... days? weeks?

Cheers.