Huge Elephants

I'm about an hour away from doing something that will affect me greatly. It scares the hell out of me.

My diagnosis has messed up everything I know in the past year and I've had to make a lot of difficult decisions. But everything to this point pales in comparison to the one I have to make this morning. I will be meeting with my psychiatrist soon to decide whether or not to go back to work. Part of me wants to, but a bigger part of me realizes that I can't - not in the job I have waiting for me in it's present form.

The medication and therapy has not worked as it should and I'm still having major issues. Most days are good, but bad ones are enough to make everyone around me cringe. The fear and panic associated with the disorder is unbearable at times and I just want it to stop, but I have to let it ride it's course. No medication helps. No soothing music, or calm voice helps, I just have to ride it out. There is progress on this, I'm getting a referral to the Mood and Disorder Clinic this morning, problem is the waiting list for that program is six months long. I'm also on the list for a CMHA worker to begin working with me soon. (Canadian Mental Health Association).

So here I go, into the unknown yet again, list of questions and arguments in hand. Hopefully I can make more progress today, but the one elephant in the room isn't shrinking. He's growing. Gotta stop feeding that damn elephant.

Cheers.

Things that annoy me today

Let the rant begin.

1. February. Even though it feels like March, it's still called February.
2. American politics. Being Canadian, I can't - and won't - even try to understand them.
3. Bipolar Disorder. If you've read this blog, 'nuff said.
4. Hollywood. There are no movie stars anymore, just people they found on YouTube. I still don't understand the Kardashians or Snookie.
5. Mortgage Companies. Or anyone else that can take over your bank account. Let's go back to mattresses like our grandparents did.
6. The Syrian Regime.
7. The Iranian Regime.
8. The Sudan Regime.
9. The American Right-wing nut job wanna-be Regime.
10. The City of Windsor and it's attitude toward spending millions without any purpose.
11. CNN
12. Fox News
13. The corporate policy of building things cheaper so we have to throw them out and buy new ones every three years filling our landfills and breaking our bank accounts.
14. NSF fees for things that weren't your fault.
15. My psychiatrist.
16. SOPA, ACTA, or whatever that bill is called now.
17. Kim Jong Un. I just had to get that nutball in here somewhere.
18. Random Judges who can overturn government legislation because they don't like it.
19. Telemarketers. Yup, they're still there even though we're on the 'don't call list'.
20. Schools that play more movies in class than teach anything. When we try to decide on a movie, my kids say "no, we saw that one in class last week".
21. A complete lack of financial assistance to people suffering from mental health issues in Canada. That would be me.
22. The fact that EVERYTHING requires a credit card today. Face it, some people don't want the stupid things!
23. Rising food and gas prices for no reason.
24. Canadian politician's pensions.
25. Things being left in the same place in the house everyday, and everyday I point out where it's supposed to go.
26. The hype over the Superbowl halftime show and ads. It's just a friggin' game.
27. The amount of crap in my basement.
28. The amount of crap in my head.
29. The amount of crap in my to-do list.
30. The fact that I can't part with any of the aforementioned crap.
31. Genealogical roadblocks. Where the hell are all you people!
32. Lack of funding for youth groups - Cadets, Scouts, Guides, etc.
33. People texting me and wondering why I won't text back. Face it - I won't.
34. Reality shows. Spend some money and bloody well entertain me. These shows are crap.
35. Steve Jobs. Really, did you have to die?
36. Anyone else who's died lately. I want a word with you when I see you again.
37. People who win the SuperMax lottery. Just because I didn't.
38. Writer's block. The reason for this rant.
39. Medication side affects. You wouldn't believe some of the shit I've endured.
40. And finally, Robert Plante won't re-unite with Led Zeppelin. What the hell is the world coming to? Are you that arrogant? You're today's asshat.

The opinions here are my own, if you don't agree, please feel free to comment, I'll feel free to delete them.

Cheers.

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