The Check Engine Light Came On
It's 5:30am. Victoria Day. I'm sitting at my computer writing, listening to the birds greeting a new day, the sun is rising. I've always loved this time of day. But today is different. I'm hurting.
I've gone thru some medical issues these past months, Vespecular Neuritis (100% chance I spelled that wrong), Acid Reflux, breathing issues related to my Lobecomy, and for fucks sakes, Hemorrhoids. Yesterday, a weird rash showed up on my leg. I don't know, just a random bad rash. By the way, is it for fucks sake, or fuck sakes? I never really knew.
My check engine light is on and it's fucking flashing.
All this has happened in the past four months, all at once. I'm concerned to say the least, why all this shit all at the same time, besides the fact I'm 57 years old, and falling apart. People can restore a 57 year old car, but a 57 year old man? Interesting. Can I get new parts? Is there a medical mechanic out there that can get the lights to reset? Or is it a matter of putting electrical tape over them. Don't know.
The coyotes are howling.
Anyway. The rash is taking up half my thigh, it itches, and it showed up out of nowhere today. So that concerns me. Worst case is Shingles, best case, I rubbed against something I shouldn't have. Of course the optimist in me thinks the latter, but what? I haven't done anything lately that would cause a rash. Like 20 years recently. So what the fuck? I need to see a doctor. Or a mechanic.
Now the roosters are going at it. It's 5:45am. Why wouldn't they?
I've been lucky with my health up to this point, but know, know I want my doctor on speed dial. A couple years ago I would have looked at this beautiful sunrise and thought - canoe now! I'd do that. I want to do that now, it's a gorgeous morning and I live in paradise so why no head to the river. The quick answer is I don't have the energy anymore. I got old. Quickly. So instead of jumping out there, I'm here, writing about how I think I should be heading to the hospital to find out what the fuck is wrong with me now, instead of enjoying the bliss of a beautiful summer morning.
The melancholy of getting older.
My mind is racing right now with thoughts of medical needs, practical needs, prescriptions, tests, blood work, sitting in a clinic waiting room. I should download some new apps, I'm gonna have time to waste. Fuck. I'd rather have the river. The peace. The birds, the sunrise. But no, I'm heading for a waiting room.
The rash doesn't hurt, but it's there, taunting me, scaring me. It's a holiday today so I have to go to the ER if I choose to waste my entire day sitting with a bunch of other sickies. Nope. I'll go tomorrow. Today, I'm hitting the water, regardless of my health because I don't know how more times I can do this until I get answers. I'm a little scared, but I'm not an old man yet, just gotta get the lights off one by one.
Anyway, cheers, have a great Victoria Day.
Cheers.
