Time, as they say, is on your side. (Or was that the Rolling Stones?) Well, seems they might have been wrong. Time seems to be on the opposing side these days, the side of those who oppose my every move. Those who want to stop me from doing all the things I need to do in my life, get my house stuff done, finish the pet projects I have on the go, see those in my life who bring me purpose, take a vacation, you know, the crap we want to do instead of the crap we have to do.
The older I get the more this fact is fucking annoying.
There's a garden wheelbarrow in my shop that's been sitting untouched for almost a year, a promise to a friend. Unfinished. Story of my life. The other story is the promise I made to said friend. Seems as time goes on, the more that happens. I think I've got lots of time to do these things, then reality hits. Or work hits, or unexpected emergencies hit, or some other damn thing. Time isn't being kind. That wheelbarrow is one of three unfinished projects here, add that to two others at another house I haven't started yet. Yes Jen, I am going to paint.
Youth gave us unlimited time, mostly because we had unlimited energy. We could make a day last 18 hours and still have energy to go out, or indulge in a hobby. All well raising kids, breeding pets, and doing random stupid shit our parents warned us not to do. (And then we told our kids not to do... but anyway). We're old now. We need naps. We get warn out quicker, work hurts. Hell at this point doing laundry hurts. How in the living hell did we accomplish so much all those years ago! When I look back on things and compare my accomplishments to today, I'm embarrassed at my late achievements. Which are.. in a word, slim.
This past weekend I achieved something at home, I spent half a day killing myself expanding my patio. Did I finish it? Nope. But hey, I started. Now knowing my current age and daily exhaustion quota, I can't see it being done anytime soon. That's the way things are now, we do things a bit at a time instead of start to finish in one shot. Because naps are more fun. Add to that the work took a lot out of me and I'm not in a hurry to repeat that day. I have to, I'm just not in a hurry to. That's the old guy talking - I can easily justify stopping because I'm not 25 anymore, and this shit hurts. Every morning I play the 'what's that pain' game. I'm blessed that I'm still in good shape, and I still have most of my hair. Call that a win. What I don't have is the eternal stamina and energy of youth. The patio will be done, in steps. Over time. Time I don't seem to have.
I have many hobbies, many friends, many interests, and one amazing girl in my life. I'm blessed. I'm well rounded, life is a dear thing to me and I want to suck in everything it gives us, I want to experience everything, I want to share life with everyone. The people in my life give me joy and happiness, the past times I love give me passion and happiness. But I don't have enough time. Seems to be the underlying concern with life now. How can I get more time? Especially when you're at the point in life when there's more behind you than in front of you.
I simply need more time. (Wasn't that in a movie somewhere?)
My last entry was called Work Life Balance. I think that needs to be changed to Life/Life balance. We need to level out the playing field of things we need to do compared to things we want to do, but how? Do we cut things out because there isn't enough time? Do we cut corners on chores? Errands? Friends? What goes, what stays. We have to give everything and everyone in our lives, whether it be mandatory or optional, equal time. Hell, I don't want to do that. I don't want to devote more time to work, chores, errands paying bills, shopping, fixing shit, or anything else that is deemed a necessary evil. I want to devote ALL my time to my girlfriend, friends, family, hobbies, even writing this blog post. As I write this I can count on both hands crap that needs to be done around here, things I don't have time for, and they bug me. Then there's work, which never seems to go away long enough for me to have some time.
My boss asked me the other day if I'd put the canoe in the water yet. I kinda chuckled to myself at that, my boss thinks I have time. Yet I'm on his clock. I'm in a weird position at work where I'm on call a lot. Time away, time waiting, time getting background stuff done, even when I come home, I'm still answering messages, planning the next day, or answering texts. Time waits for no one, especially when my boss is controlling it. Lately I've backed off and learned to plan ahead more, but there's always something that comes up at the last minute, things that can't wait til tomorrow. It's a balancing act between me and my job. I could bang on again about how I'd love to be retired, but I beat that horse up in the last entry. So let's not. I just have to learn balance better. You'd think at 55 years old I'd know how.
Time is everyone's enemy. Our constant nemesis. If you've ever experienced the perfect moment in time, that one instance where time seems to stop or have no meaning, where nothing else in the world matters except that thing in that moment, you're lucky. I've made myself have those moments more lately. A place holder in time that emblazes itself on you. Keep that, cherish it, and for all it's worth, make it happen again. Make it happen often. There will come a time when those moments will rarely or never happen again. Make the most of them before they're gone. Time won't stop, you have to make it stop, even if for that one fleeting moment. That one time that will forever be in the forefront of your memory.
On that note, ladies and gentleman,
Time.
