The best laid plans of mice and men

Last night was our reunion for the cadet corps. A great time was had by all, but not all we wanted to see. It did bother me a little that many who confirmed didn't make it in, but those who did had a great time. Our original plan was to have a catered event at a legion here in Windsor, so planning started months ago. Calls were made, promo material published, announcements were sent to various media outlets (it helps when I work for newspapers), all in an attempt to find as many as we could for this very important 40th anniversary of the corps. We wanted present members to attend as well, it was to be an all ages event.

Plans changed.

We didn't get the response we wanted, the current corps leadership failed to promote the event with the cadets - many of whom had relatives that have grown up with the corps an important part of their lives. The current leadership either failed, or more likely, didn't bother to help. Yup, I'm slamming the present leadership. Deal with it.

When we realized the reunion wouldn't go down as planned, we changed gears and went for the house party idea. One former member offered up his acre and a half backyard to us, and we headed out, with coolers, chairs and cameras. We had 15 former members there last night, all of whom have managed to stay in touch for over 25 years. Some of them are good friends who rarely go more than a few days without seeing each other, some moved away and rarely come back to Windsor, but everyone there had one thing in common, an intense desire to keep connected with those who helped shape who they are all those years ago. Even if we only see each other once a year, we still carried on as if it was only yesterday that we parted company. The camaraderie we shared was unique and heartfelt. Seeing a couple of guys who were inseparable back then trading jabs like brothers, even though they had not seen each other or even talked since the early 90s, we must have really had something back then. I can only hope my children find people that mean that much to each other that many years later.

Those who couldn't attend were missed, but in the end, there were many reasons. People get busy, or move away, it's hard to do this for so many reasons. There was no animosity towards those who didn't show, we will just make sure they see the pics and hear the stories, and maybe that way they can still feel like they took part. Next time, maybe, others can share what we had last night.

We have grey hair now, we don't move as fast, age has started to catch up to us, but that didn't matter, last night we were all 18 again. This morning however, I feel my age plus 18.

I can't wait til next year.

Cheers.

My new favourite blog - until next week

I found a great site detailing Windsor's past and present from an architectural point of view. It's amazing how many of these pics depict things I remember vividly from my days growing up in this town. I spent over 2 hours on it this morning. However much unlike me this is, I'd like to share...

http://www.internationalmetropolis.com/

History nuts enjoy!

Cheers.

More Summer is almost over

Normally summer ending would be a time of strange sorrow, normally the fall creeping in would play havoc with my mental state. Not this year, Hell, I'm glad it's almost over.

This summer sucked.

From unemployment blues to my father passing away, to a ruined canoe trip, to my son being gone for a month, (he's on his way to San Francisco now), to problems at work, to our reunion being cancelled for lack of interest, you name it, this has been one sucking summer. Please end it.

About the only we've managed to accomplish this summer is getting rid of the mounds of garbage left over by the city worker strike in the Spring. Yippee.

Kim got a call yesterday about a job - her dream job. She is setting up the interview today. I hope it works out, she sounds so unbelievably happy about this, there's only one catch - It's in another town and she doesn't drive. So transportation WILL be a huge issue. I have always been on Kim about getting her license, but she hates driving, so why waste the money. Ironically her first words to me yesterday were "how long does it take to get a license?" Damn, this job must sound great if she's changing her mind after 20 years! So she will go for it, and hopefully the transport issue will sort itself out. There's an E-Bike for sale from a friend of ours, she could also get lucky and carpool with someone, who knows. First things first, go for the interview. The worst that could happen is she doesn't figure out the problem, which she is already prepared for.

The best thing about this is the call. The first of many resumes she has put out. It lifted her spirits high, and gave her something to smile about. Maybe the recession is over? Maybe people are loosening up the strings and hiring again? Who knows, but it can't happen at a better time - the end of the shitty summer.

Maybe fall will bring new hope. We'll have everyone home again, kids will be getting ready for school, Kim may be working again, my job may clarify itself, my state of mind will calm down and become clear, the grief over dad will reside, maybe the cat's eye will even clear up. We can go forward now hoping the worst is behind us, we survived the storm and maybe we'll come ahead stronger and more unified as a family. I hope.

As things change and some things get back to 'normal', I have one lingering thought. I will never be 'normal' again. I have now lost both my parents, and now I have to be the adult. I can't play the role of a son anymore, now I have to be the responsibly adult. That kinda sucks, but that's the roll of the dice, and I have to play it out. It will take time to learn this new role and I will make mistakes along the way, the way an actor takes time to learn his lines. I know my family will be there for me when I stumble, but I will come out of this a stronger person, husband, brother and father. Positive attitude is paramount. I spent my summer feeling myself slipping into the abyss, and as I look back I wonder why? I came through it all, what was the problem? Why was I worried, but then again, did I have reason not to be?

There are many in the world who have suffered so much more. Many people have lost their homes, their families, even the clothes on their backs. There is so much suffering out in the world and when you put things into context, this summer was a mosquito bite on life. Nothing more.

So here we go into fall. With my head held high we will prevail. We will get our shit together and get back to work, back to school, back home, back to love and caring, back to friendship, back to normal. At least that's the plan.

I turn 41 at the end of September, I'm not a kid anymore, however much I like to play one in real life. By that time I want the summer behind me. I want things fixed.

I want normal, or some sort of normal.

Cheers.

August duldrums

I'm having trouble getting motivated lately. Maybe it's the heat, I don't know. I really have no motivation to get anything done around here, things have proceeded since dad passed away, but now progress has ground to a halt with me. Work is tremendously busy, (good, I guess), which makes for long tiring days. Last night I just vegged on the couch all night.

My son is in British Columbia now. He's off in my father-in-law's truck for a few weeks, like he has done for the past three summers, but this year instead of normal trips to West Virginia, they got the opportunity to haul for Canada Post to the west coast. To make it more interesting, the load wasn't cleared for customs, so they went the long way instead of short-cutting through the northern US. He's having fun, but I can hear it in his voice that he's homesick. I miss him too.

Kim is still home, no job prospects yet, I know that's driving her nuts. She's a worker, a people person. The only person she's had anything to do with lately is our youngest daughter. She won't say it, but I know she wants out of here. Not just to earn a paycheck, but to get back out there with people. They say the economy is starting to turn around, I hope they're right. We need to get back on track. Part of her getting back to work is getting back to normal. Accelerating the end of this really shitty summer.

There is so much I want to do with the remainder of the summer, mostly to give me a sense of normal - a walk in the park, ice cream at the Navy Yard (we do that all the time), swimming, camping again (redo), fix things around the house, visit old friends, etc, etc. We're not doing much this year. Part of the problem is my son isn't home, and it's not the same with him gone. Another part of it is depression and dealing with dad's loss. I know that, I know I need the therapy of activity. But it's easier to think than do. At the end of the day the computer and couch come calling. At least lately anyway, when things calm down at work and I'm not so tired at the end of the day we'll do something, we'll salvage this really shitty month.

I hope anyway.

Cheers.

Renewal

I haven't been here in a month. Exactly.
My last post was July 11.

Since then, I have lost my father, something that although inevitable and expected was still quite painful as anyone could well imagine. I have intended to write several times, and after dad passed away even wrote half a post about him, but I couldn't finish it. Maybe soon I will, but right now it's too painful.

Since I last wrote, the municipal strike ended, meaning our parks are cut and the garbage has been picked up. My daughter has gone to camp and safely returned, my son is off with his grandfather in the truck for two weeks. He's a long-haul trucker and takes him every summer. I had two weeks off work for combined vacation/bereavement, although the vacation week was spent at my father's bedside. I believe he had the last laugh with all the hell I caused him growing up - he had a stroke Monday morning of my vacation and passed away the Friday night it ended. It's kinda funny when you think of it, maybe I'm just trying to make the best of it. We sent dad off the way he wanted - one hell of a party, with good friends and family all celebrating his life. Now our life moves forward. It's strange not hearing him use the microwave downstairs. It's strange having to lock the front door when we go out. I guess it will get easier, eventually.

Dad had no regrets. He had a good long life and lived it to the fullest. We will endeavour to follow his lead. He was 84.

Once the dust settled around here I found I needed some me time, so I booked a campsite, grabbed a canoe and headed off for two days of solitude and solace. My camping trip last weekend was not exactly what I planned. It was weird.

As soon as I parked the car, a voice said "Keith Wilson - you were in cadets!" I turned to see a face from the past - Karen (I forget her last name), was in another Corps in Windsor over 25 years ago and remembered me instantly. Very strange. She was setting up with her 7 year old daughter, while discussing the camp with the next camper over, Peter, camping with his 6 year old son. Both Peter and Karen are single parents, and the kids made them meet. They became inseperable for the rest of the weekend.

We talked into the night around the campfire, about old memories and current situations. I immediately let it be known my purpose at this camp was personal reflection and downtime, and that they should forgive me for not being very social. I went out in the canoe for an hour, and all was good with the world.

Saturday morning brought rain. Lots of rain. It rained for 9 hours, with high winds. I spent the day in my tent, only occasionally walking around the park during brief reprieves. Lunch was sandwiches salvaged from the soaked food bin. I read most of a book and took several naps. Water was being forced into the tent by the wind under the fly, that really annoyed me, I used dirty clothes to sop it up.

Around 6 the rain stopped, and the five of us decided to cook. We needed to salvage the day, and set the table for a full meal. Kim packed me with enough food to make sure I ate (I have a habit of not), and we ate. A lot. The Karen and Peter's kids were amazed we could set a spread like that in a campsite, let alone prepare it on a Coleman stove using a buck knife. There's no reason to go without, ever.

Around 7 I decided that wind be damned, I was going to get some time on the water. I'm pretty good in a canoe, and solo doesn't scare me, but that night it did. The wind was more than I anticipated. I shot across the lake - about a kilometer, very quickly. Peter later commented that he wanted a shot of me but by the time he got his camera from his car I was out of range. When I got to the far side I began to turn around to come back only to realize that the wind was spinning me back again. It was like trying to control a spinning top. No matter what I did, I could not get back around again, the best I managed was 90 degrees, which at least allowed me to get closer to the camp's shoreline instead of the open channel!

Eventually I came to the conclusion that I would have to do it the bonehead way, and I paddled backwards for almost a kilometer, the whole time not being able to rest for fear of the wind undoing my progress. About 45 minutes later I was alongside the camp, still fighting the wind to come ashore. People saw my plight and were eyeballing me to see where I would land, one man eventually coming down to the water's edge to pull in the bow.

Dry land again.

Here's the catch. (and I'm slightly embarrassed to admit this, but....)

The water in this inlet was maybe 2 feet deep, and at any time I could have gotten out and walked! Every stroke hit bottom. But I was NOT going to go that route. I was not going to let the wind beat me. I made it back, in one piece, to enjoy a cold beer around a fire, with four total strangers. Saturday night was bittersweet victory. I beat the wind, but lost the day.

Kim later commented that if I was planning on spending the weekend with people, I could have just stayed home! Maybe she was right, but from the start it wasn't my plan. I'm a solitary person - I relish being alone with my thoughts, especially combined with a quiet campsite with nothing to distract me but the Great Blue Herons that call that cove home.

I had my solitude, just not the way I imagined it. It was in a tent, not on the water.

Sunday I planned on being home around 2, as my son headed off with his grandfather around 4. when I woke up I saw Karen bonding with her daughter, I saw Peter bonding with his son, I was alone. Two hours wasn't enough time to spend with my son before he took off out the Wilsonworld revolving door for two weeks. I decided not to hit the water again. I struck camp, said my goodbyes to my new friends and headed home. I was happy to have gone, but coming home has sweet emotions to it. My daughter ran down the stairs and threw her arms around me, Kim was there with a kiss (even though I stank), and my son was there with a cheerful greeting. All was good. I even knew dad was saying hi, just not from here. Home is good.

We ended up in the neighbour's pool, as the temperature climbed to ridiculous heights, the sun finally made an appearance and for the first time in two days, there was no wind. A BBQ and a couple of beers after swimming. We could almost have been at another camp!

I slept well Sunday night, comfortable in my own bed with my Kim. I slept well knowing that even if I didn't get to nervana, it was waiting for me upon my return home.

Work is back and running, my son is off, my daughter is home, Kim is here being my rock, and the best mother in the world, everything is back to normal again. The house is cleaned up and the sun is shining. Everything is perfect.

Then I realize that dad isn't home anymore.

Almost perfect.

I miss you dad, I always will. Sleep tight.

John William Wilson - May 12, 1925 - July 24, 2009


PS: I was planning on uploading pics from the trip, but blogger is busted. I can't. I will upload the pics on a later post.