Windsor's District 9

Welcome to Windsor, Poor people to the left, rich to the right please, mind the gap, keep moving, and keep your eyes forward please.

This city treats poor people like a plague as the rich and affluent ignore them, the middle class ignores them, politicians ignore everyone but themselves. The downtrodden in Windsor are everywhere, their shopping carts with every possession they own, are everywhere, panhandlers are everywhere, drugs are everywhere. And behind everyone of them is a cop pushing them along to the next unseen alleyway or abandoned doorway, at the behest of city council and our illustrious mayor, Drew Fucking Dilkens. (I'm fairly certain his middle name is Fucking, but don't quote me). 

Poor and homelessness is now a crime in Windsor. A crime nobody wanted to ever commit and nobody wants to be a part of but its now against Windsor's moral and ethical code to be not comfortably set financially. If you don't work in the tech or auto sector, and aren't part of a union, fuck you then. If you haven't been lucky enough to inherit dad's cash, have a mental illness, or have lost a job, fuck you then, enter through the left door. No right door for you.

And nobody gives a fuck.

Dilkens doesn't, he has a house, money and a career. The police don't, or can't, as they're job is to keep the peace and enforce the law. If city council determines that placing your shopping cart full of your own life behind a building is illegal, the police must move it. The lawyers don't give a shit, they just see a paycheck on the backs of the poor. The average person living in this city cares, but drugs, crime brought on by rampant poverty keeps most people from getting involved. Frankly, nobody wants to get shanked for trying to do the right thing. (Yeah, I'm generalizing, sue me).

Most people look at the homeless in this city as a burden to be pushed under the rug, out of sight out of mind kind of shit. Well, take a drive late at night and maybe open your fucking eyes for once (Drew). Drug addicts are on every corner, panhandlers are everywhere, shopping carts are scattered around town and left abandoned as their owners seek whatever shelter they can, or their next fix. You can't escape it if you simply open your fucking eyes (Drew).

The other night I pulled into a 7-11 at about 3am. As I got out of my car, I noticed two women sitting in front of the store on the curb, one of them asked me for a lift to the casino before I even got out. They were both a mess, more than likely messed up on something, and their clothing was a dishevelled mess. Now I'm all about helping people, but that night I became the person I'm bitching about. I said no, I'm not a taxi and walked on.

I've become part of the problem.

Last night while on call with my partner, we stood around his car at a Tim Hortons shooting the shit. A sketchy looking guy we had been keeping our eyes on butted into our conversation. It was obvious he was looking for a fight. My first reaction was that I really didn't feel like getting stabbed or shot tonight, so we go into the car and left. This guy was obviously on something but we weren't about to find out what.

I used to like the city at night, but now it scares the hell out of me. I'm sure Drew isn't too scared, I think he'd melt if he went out at night. There was a time when you'd be able to walk down street late at night and enjoy the nightlife, smells and sounds of the Windsor at night. Now, you run into meth heads with guns. Shootings and stabbings are commonplace now, and all of it, drugs. Every night another stabbing on the news, another shooting on the news, another half dozen police cruisers blocking off another street for the night. Another homeless person is found dead in an alley and nobody knows, or cares, how they died. 

You don't see this on the news much, but it's out there. I see it every night. I see cruisers blocking a street, or parked crooked on a lawn, or zipping past at high speed. I see our police doing their jobs the best they can in  a city rife with crime, and the rich choose not to see it. (Drew). Now, I know I'm comparing homeless people with crime here, but there's a point to that.

Homeless and downtrodden people in this city, or simply the poor, find themselves caught in the middle constantly. The aforementioned shopping carts affirm that. At the Tim Hortons we sit at while on call, there is a motel across the street well known to the police as a centre of trafficking and prostitution (hence last night's methed up idiot). And every night there's a shopping cart full of someone's life here as well. The two situations always end up close together. Those owning the carts don't want to be there, they want a home. But they can't have one because the system failed them and they end up on the wrong side of the tracks.

This week it was announced that Street Help is closing down. Now, the woman who runs that place, Christine Wilson-Furlonger, is no friend of the city. Frankly, most people believe she's profiting on the back of poor people. But whatever you feel about her, the fact is she tried to do something. She made an attempt to help those who nobody else would help. And if your only possession in this dump is a shopping cart with junk in it, she was your friend. Now she's closing over a fued with the city (Drew).

So what's left? The Downtown Mission. A great organization I admit, they do great work. Lately they've installed a pay as you can dental clinic that amazingly enough is overbooked and jammed. (Can't imagine why, any ideas Drew?)

The Mission is over capacity, dirty, and constantly running out of food and money. With the announcement of Street Help closing it will surely get worse.

But don't worry! Drew has a solution! Drew and his council croneys to the rescue! Windsor City Council is selling the main branch of the Windsor Public Library downtown, to the Mission. Problem solved! Located just a few feet away from their current digs, the library building will fully contain all Windsor's homelessness away from anyone who might see them, like, you know, rich people. And all it will cost the residents of Windsor is their iconic cultural learning resource centre. (Who needs that anyway, we have the internet). Besides, the library hosts homeless people all day anyway. They go there to catch up on the news, sit down in a comfy chair and read books. So nothing much will change, right?

Welcome to the new Downtown Mission, our old library, Windsor's new District 9.

Obligatory Uplifting Summer Bullshit Post

I was informed that I haven't written for quite a while, and some people who think I have a gift for this are annoyed. So... this.

And if you are thinking that I'm starting to write this with no destination or even frankly, any point, you're correct. I'm winging this one.

Summer arrived last week, the day after it snowed. It was gone in a few hours, but it made a shy appearance, and today, the rain has finally stopped, bringing the sun with it. Birds are singing, people are out in droves, leaves are budding, blah blah blah blah summer bullshit. It's nice, it happens every year around this time, and we relish it. I'm already staring at my canoe.

This summer has new focus for me, I'll be in school for the first time in over 25 years by June. I'm getting my AZ licence and getting into a truck. This is a huge career change, I'm a graphic designer, pretty far removed from the open road. But I can't wait, this process has taken five months and a ton of paperwork, but it's now real, and I'm geeked to start. I had other plans this summer, I almost sold my house, so I've been working like a dog on it to get it ready for market, but a new career takes precedence. So I'll stay in my little basement apartment for a while longer yet. My new car also got pushed down the list of things to blow a ton of money on. I'll save the new Camaro for my congrats present to myself once I get a new gig driving somewhere.

Summer brings motivation. We're out of the doldrums of winter, the sun beckons, and renewed vigor and attitude have prevailed. So I'm working out. A lot. It feels great to get moving again as my energy levels have elevated me to a point of wanting more. Winter meant not wanting to do anything that didn't require a pillow and remote control. Now, I don't want to be anywhere but on my bike, on the drums, or in the gym. I turn 50 this year, and I'm not taking that kick in the teeth sitting down, (here we go with metaphors). I'm taking the bull by the horns and knocking that bugger down. As it is, I don't look my age at all, and I love it. Most people guess my age around late 30s. Sometimes I've not corrected them just for my own amusement or self-gratification. Other times I love seeing the looks on their faces when I tell them I've been around for a half century. I smile with the reactions. So why should I act it?

Age is a number, 50 is a bloody big one, and it scares me, so I'm refusing to accept it and go down without a fight. Summer is the key to that, getting outside and getting active is the only way to fight the onslaught of aging. I love seeing older folks out cycling, walking, playing ball in the park. At this point in our lives rebirth and rejuvenation is everything. Last week I went for a walk with my friend, and we passed a playground. She's 53, I'm 49, and it didn't fucking matter. We jumped on the swings, went down the slide a few times, climbed the monkey bars and tried to bump each other off the teeter totter. I'm sure there were kids looking at us like we invaded their space. I'm sure they were thinking 'what's with these old fuckers on OUR playground!' I'm sure they went home and complained to their parents, who in turn, went and played on the swings themselves.

Summer isn't all fun, working outside on a hot day is a bitch. I've got work to do around here and it's been pushed back, fuck it, it's playtime. We've all got a finite time on this pale blue dot, and for many they wasted their time here. Work, work, work. All work and no play makes Keith an asshole. So nope. In another month I'll be spending my summer in a classroom. For now, I spend my nights driving and my days daydreaming under a warm sun. It will have to end soon, so why not take advantage of it. Why not embrace your inner child and just enjoy life. 

I took some hits this past year and I've spent much of my time mired in my own negative thoughts and fears. Nobody is going to fix that for me, and nobody is going to fix your fears. However good it feels to let my hair down and see life's little spontaneous brilliance, I still have to keep grounded in the affairs that have kept me back, and fix them. We all do. But perspective is key. Maintain your negative mindset without creating a path forward is cowardly. Get yourself fixed the best way you can, take time to appreciate the little things and bigger things will follow. I'm starting to sound like a broken record here, same old positive enforcing bullshit. But frankly it's true. 

The rebirth outside has brought a rebirth inside.

In another month or so the summer will be old hat, again. As it does every year. But this year I'm not letting it get old. I'll be out on the water, camping, biking, walking, drinking, playing, enjoying. I'll be with my friends, and making new ones, I'll be spending a terrific day with people I love doing things I shouldn't. Because at some point adulting will happen again, and I'll have to be responsible, I'll have to fix things, pay bills, write tests, and answer for my silliness.

At some point, but not today.

Cheers.

Fear

At a certain point in our lives we become complacent. We become stagnant, and we make a decision to float along the river of life. Not paddling anymore, just riding the current. Our families are established, our careers are winding down the road, and we're just happy to spend the time we have with those we love and do the things that make us happy.

Then opportunity comes knocking. Or, as in my case, you force yourself to find the opportunity. That's where I find myself today. Sitting in my little apartment facing the prospect of my life completely changing at 49 years old. Not really any big deal if you consider my father was 49 when I was born, so his life changed radically at this age as well. I think my issue is that I'm slow to grab the paddle and change the course of the boat.

For the most part I like my life. I have a great degree of freedom, I'm not tied down, I have great friends and family, and I love the fact that I can do pretty much anything I want within reason. (and within my wallet). Don't get me wrong I do have responsibilities, but they don't control me the way they did when I spent 10 hours a day in a cubicle. Working for myself has several advantages and allows me the flexibility I have become accustomed to. But something is missing. Actually, a lot is missing.

I have three phone calls to make today. Phone calls that will change the course of the river and open new possibilities to me. But I'm afraid to make them. The phone sits in front of me as I type this, the numbers written on a small sheet of paper on the table. And I'm afraid to make the calls. Why? Am I too engrossed in this lifestyle I've become accustomed to? Am I afraid of change? Am I just lazy? I don't know. I do know that these three phone calls will each affect me, and the sum of those changes will add up to a completely new life for me if all pans out. 

This isn't the first time in my life I've stared at a phone. I've done many things in my life but at the end of the day there are things that remain constant; things that are a solid foundation of my existence. These phone calls will uproot those very foundations. I shouldn't be afraid of this, I should be exited. I should be eager to jump at new challenges and opportunities. 

The phone is still sitting there.

I know one thing that will come of these decisions is that someone close to me will not like them. Changes in my life will affect others, and of course that bothers me. But at the end of it all, this is my life. Nobody else can dictate to me what I do with it. Unless of course I decide on something ridiculous, then I'd expect the obvious intervention. That isn't the case here. I'm sure those affected will understand. Maybe that's another reason I haven't pulled the trigger? 

I'm not a jealous type. I see people doing what they want in life with lots of money and freedom, to that I say good for them. That being said, It does make me think there's no reason why anyone else can't do that as well, hence the phone calls. The phone calls I haven't made yet. I can do this, I just have to push past the self-imposed barriers and realize that I'm the one who will create this change. I'm the one who will initialize the butterfly affect. I'm the one who matters here.

Fear of the unknown is what keeps us from experiencing life to it's fullest. Many people thrive on this fear and embrace it. For the past few years I've evaded it. I think it's time to try again and just into the unknown waters.

I'm dialing now.